Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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