rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
