Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
