She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
