I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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