i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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