You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
