....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
