10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
