GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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