nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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