Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
