david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
