I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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