wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize