With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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