i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
