i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
