just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize