I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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