i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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