The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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