I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
