Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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