Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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