Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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