She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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