this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
