She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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