why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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