i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
