woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
