I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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