i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
foreskin is a definite game changer
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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