I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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