I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
