we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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