I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
