I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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