Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
