I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
