my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
