im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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