I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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