dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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