just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
