Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
