Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
