Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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