speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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