he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
