everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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