In the future we'll all be gay
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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