dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
