I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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