my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
