the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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