I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
