Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
