Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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