I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
