I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
