Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
