He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
