Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
