I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
