watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
