Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
