if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
