i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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