yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
