just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
