I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
