I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
