summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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