physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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