i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
