I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
