Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
