thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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